The Way Monday Goes

When I don't go to work (Saturday, Sunday, holidays, days off, etc.), I can't remember why I drink caffinated beverages. Even when I get up early on those days and work all day everything seems to be just fine.

And then Monday comes.

Or this week, Tuesday comes.

And my alarm clock goes off, and I cry a little inside. And I get to work, and I am still crying a little inside. And I am at my desk with an electronic leash attached to my ear that keeps me within 30 feet of my desk. And my twin computer screens flicker their luminescent light at me.

And all I really want to do is hear that *CRIICK-PSHHHHH* sound of popping open a can of something yummy.

Senseless

Today is Memorial Day. Some, like my father, have spent their lives one day at a time to further the cause of freedom. Others have given their lives in very real ways. I don't understand war. But I am grateful that there are those who are willing to fight and die to preserve the kinds of freedoms that I enjoy.

I also don't understand why it happens so often that individuals who cause horrific accidents walk away with hardly a scratch. One of my friends had a brother who was hit by a drunk driver about a week ago. That guy walks away from the accident with only minor injuries, and this young man passed away this morning. He never woke up. He was young. He had so many years of his life ahead of him, but he can't live those now. He could have been someone's husband. He could have been someone's dad. Someone's grandpa, gramps, or papa.

These are the things I wish people would think about the next time they take that drink and get behind the wheel. Or grab the phone when it buzzes from a text. Don't do it.

Rain, Rain...Go Away

I had a dream a few nights ago that it was almost winter. The snow was coming and I didn't feel ready for it. When I woke up I was sad because I felt like I had missed my whole summer. Then I realized that we haven't even HAD summer yet! I will probably miss these cool days when is dead hot outside and I feel like I will never be comfortable again.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot... I work underground. And live in an air-conditioned home. And drive to and from work with 3 guys who prefer arctic weather. And one whose temperature runs a little closer to mine, but we get out-voted. Never mind. Bring on the heat!

(If I were a better Sunday School teacher, I would have hand-outs prepared for my lesson already. Sometimes I am perfectly fine with only being acceptable! Does anyone ever really care about handouts anyway?)

10 Good Places To Be

In no particular order.

1. In the darkroom watching photos develop. I know this one is obscure now. But I still loved doing it.

2. Anywhere I can hear the ocean.

3. In a car going on a road trip.

4. In a car almost home from a road trip.

5. Talking with a friend. The good kind of talks.

6. Somewhere where I am needed.

7. Driving home after work.

8. Curled with a good book.

9. Playing games with my family.

10. Holding a baby with their head tucked up under your chin so you can smell their hair.

I'm Not 19

I just passed this little gaggle of girls in the hall. They were all adorable and I could tell they were having a great time. But can I just go on the record and say that I would NOT trade it for the world that I have made it past the teenage years and early 20's? They were wonderful in so many ways, but I gotta say that so far I think the 30's is the best. I love the confidence I have. I love the strength I've developed. I love the experiences I have been through that have given me wisdom. I love the friendships that I have cultivated over years with people I know really care. It makes me wonder, does life just keep getting better and better? It looks that way from here.

Quote of the Day

Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed. - G. K. Chesterton

There are a thousand reasons I love literature. I remember falling asleep to the sound of my mother reading Laura Ingalls in the hall outside my room. On summer afternoons when it was too hot to go outside, I would curl up with a book and baggie of cheereos. It was a rainy night after I finished a short story in the university library with an ending so unexpected and dynamic. Somehow, that passion for stories is in my blood.

By The Skin on my Teeth

Time for a happy dance. I made it through work today. How? I have a folder of "best loved" Dilbert comics at my desk. They make me laugh every time. I have quite a collection after 4 solid years of daily desk calendars. Strategy #2, music. The headphones went in for about 20 min and I pretended that I wasn't at work. While I kept one eye open and on the phones. I know, I suck at pretending I am not at work.

Rhetorical question. Has anyone found that switch that will ACTUALLY make me dead inside so I can shut off my emotions? I get kind of tired of those some days. Especially when they decide to board a submarine and explore the depths of the ocean trenches.

What's New

Check out that grin and those pigtails.

She was very proud of her newly painted nails. And I loved the pink sequin trim on her cute skirt.

How can a smile like that not brighten your day?

The best part of a digital camera is that the little munchkins can see their picture seconds after it is taken. So you make a funny face while sitting on your aunt's lap and then run over and see how it came out. And the best part of this aunt? When I'm willing to publish a photo that makes me look like I belong in a padded room because the two short folks on my lap are adorable.

I might get in trouble for this. Because some people don't like to have photos taken. Luckily these are the same people who don't read my blog and don't know their pictures end up here. (muwahahahahaha....)

The Easter Bunny made a late stop in Grandma's yard. While he was busy outside, me and the short folks were downstairs. With the monsters. But it's ok, because they were little monsters. Fuzzy ones. Happy ones. Who will stand in the palm of your hand and give you kisses.

This little munchkin has personality that far exceeds her short stature. Far, far exceeds. Can't wait for her to be a teenager. It's gonna be fun...

I didn't like the ugly plants that were in the teeny-tiny garden area in front of my house. So I pulled them all up and planted a red Japanese maple. Love it. And about 100 pink and coral tulips.

I got new shoes. They are shiny, and black, and have good arch support. Didn't think that last part was going to come out, diddja? Yup. I'm going to be that old lady who has the orthopedic shoes that are so ugly they make warthogs run away. But I plan to be bat-crap-crazy by that point so I won't really mind.

New nail polish. Very sparkly. And NOT pink. That's purple.

What is new about this? My bed is not normally made. And can I just say that I love the southern lighting? And my awesome painting that inspired the cool mocha-purple on the walls? Fortunately you can't see the clothes that are stage left.

Priorities

Sometimes you know how your life is crazy and hectic and then that one thing happens that makes you realize what it's all about? You stop to think about those things that really matter.

Today that was cleaning my toilet. The toilet in the poor red-headed stepchild half bath that no one uses. Except guests. Those poor guests.

It was not pretty like this Tiffany glass window. Picture the window. Not my toilet.

You probably thought I was going to say family or something. Yeah, that is important too. But today it was really about getting a clean toilet.

The end.

640

On the bottom of my blog is a counter for how many page views this thing has had. Today it is at 640. I think that I am 620 of those views.

To those of you who have looked at it the other 20 times, thanks for caring. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I would add an exclamation mark to make you know I really mean it but then it just looks like the letter L. See?!! But I think I'm going to have a party at 1000. It just seems like the thing to do.

Here's a hint for life. If you are sitting on the grass and you see something that looks kind of white and chalky, don't touch it. If you do touch it, don't try and brush it off on your pants. That there's bird poop. I'm not saying I did this. I'm just saying someone could.

641...

Not A Professional Photo Post

I am not a professional photographer. I don't even take pictures often enough to call it a hobby. I might know a little bit about F stops and depth of field and shutter speed. But I can't tell you what those are for these photos. It was just me sitting on my porch and getting excited that some of the first tulips I have ever planted (one of my favorite flowers) are almost ready to bloom.

And because I like to tinker, I decided to test out some of the automatic settings on my PhD (push here dummy) camera. Don't get me wrong, this is a nice camera. And I like it a lot. But I am aware of its limitations as well as strengths.

This one is auto mode. I think that means...the camera decides automatically what the settings are. Yes, thank you...thank you...I'm a genius.

This one is in "natural" mode. Uh...let's say this one takes advantage of natural light? I probably should read the manual.

Portrait mode. I feel like the skin tones on the tulips are exceptional with this one. Except they don't have skin.

Landscape mode. Don't you feel like this shows the landscape to its fullest grandeur? Except it doesn't look all that different than the last one to me.

Sports mode. For taking fast-action shots. Totally appropriate since the wind was blowing and the tulips were moving.

Night mode. With a flash. I am feeling a bit...underwhelmed.

Sunset mode. I like this one. Sometimes the sun doesn't even have to be setting for this to be cool. In  uber-technical speak I think you would say it is "kinda orange-y."

Snow mode. Why would it wash out colors in snow mode? It seems like snow would already kind of do that.

Beach mode. I totally want to grab my beach towel and lay out in the sun. But only after I put on SPF 1000 and a shade hat and long sleeves and knee socks. I am worried about these flowers getting melanoma. I'm thinking of getting them an umbrella.

Underwater mode. I didn't have my waterproof case on, though. Again with the technical speak, this looks "bluish."

Museum mode. If you look really close you will see a little copy of a Monet inside the nearest peach bud.

Party mode. There is a few less blooms in this one because some of them just headed to the store for a keg. Of root beer. What were you thinking? Sheesh. This is a family-friendly blog.

And last but not least (drumroll please...) FLOWER MODE. Hold your applause. And let me know if you want your copy in 11x14, 20x42, or 1080x1690. Or something like that. I can totally blow this up to a poster size and put it on the side of a building. Your welcome world.

Special Day

More hair...

Less hair!

Happy Birthday Daddy-o.

The Introvert Speaks (and speaks and speaks...)

I had this idea when I started posting that I would never really get too personal online. The reasons are varied and range from concerns about safety on the internet to an innate difficulty in sharing who I really am with other people. I have always been more of a listener than a sharer.

But I will admit that there is something a little liberating in taking the time to put my thoughts down and send them into the great blue nowhere. It takes conscious effort to know and accept that for all intents and purposes, my words become recorded and searchable forevermore once I hit that "post" button.

Then I hit nerd status in my head because I use words like "forevermore." But I leave it because I love the nerd side of me.

Today I had a discussion with my sis about being single. Lately I have been pondering many things about this particular state of living. Not so much the woe-is-me brand of thinking, or even anything to do with wondering if I will ever move from that state of one to the elusive "plus one" category. It has been more of an examination of making my way through life.

First, I have to be honest that I am not alone. I am surrounded by family who is a wonderful support system and strength to me. They really are my rock. I have been blessed with exceptional friends who do more for me than they can possibly know. I have girlfriends who share this single state and we have the ability to sympathize and help each other in ways that maybe others can't. I have married friends who allow me to be a part of their lives and let me be a surrogate aunt to their amazing kids. It gives me the opportunity to exercise those gifts for nurturing that sometimes feel dormant. I have guys who help me understand my value by just being my friend. It is difficult sometimes to maintain a strong sense of self worth (dare I even say self-esteem). Acceptance by those of the more masculine gender helps me to realize all I have to offer just as I am. I don't have to change everything about me to be acceptable. All of these relationships add flavor and love to my life. I recognize (sometimes painfully) that none of this can measure up to the love that comes from being a wife and a mother. But it doesn't devalue any of the love that surrounds me. And the joy I find in sharing that love.

I am also coming to understand just how much inner strength it takes and will continue to take for me to be single and make my way successfully through life. Every single decision and every choice is on my shoulders alone. I can talk and counsel with friends and relatives, but in the end the only person who will be there to determine the right path is me. It makes me stronger and I am certain that is a good thing. But how often do people with a significant other take it for granted that someone will be there with them, to talk and pray and make decisions together? To build faith and trust together and know he or she has your best interests at heart? It is not about being alone or lonely, but I do recognize it as a trial that I have the opportunity to be stretched in just this way. Like all trials it does get a little painful at times.

Many people might look at my life and envy the easy parts. These are the blessings that come along with being single. There is a great deal of freedom in my life. My time and my resources are largely my own. I have unlimited possibilities for where I can go, what I can do, and who I can become. I can travel and see the world. I have the ability to work in a career that makes me feel like I make a true contribution to something worthwhile. I have the ability to continue my own personal growth through whatever path I choose whether through education or some other form of study and learning. There is no hobby or skill that is closed to me if I want to pursue it.

Just as the grass is always greener, someone from the outside looking in might not see a lot of the challenges that come along with those blessings. They might simplify what is hard for me. There is pain and anguish and loss and worry and fear that comes with every path through life. And those feelings are very real. The reasons I have those feelings might be laughable for someone else. But I need to remember that the tests and trials that come in my life are not less substantial just because so many of them are fought within my heart and mind.

My hope is that all of the experiences in my life make me more compassionate to those around me. If I am sometimes misunderstood, I hope it helps me to work harder to understand others. If I sometimes struggle with feeling overwhelmed, I want to be there to help other people carry their burdens when it feels like too much. If I need a shoulder to cry on, I hope to be that shoulder for someone else.

At the end of the day, sharing my personal thoughts is not easy for me. But if somewhere in the middle of the swirling vortex that is my mind someone finds value, then I am glad to share. Because I think we are all on this journey through life together and I know I can use all the help I can get.

The Price of a Photo

I may be directionally-challenged.

I may occasionally make poor decisions when it comes to time management.

But I know a photo op when I see it, and I will take every bit of the next decade of teasing that will result because of my mismanagement of time and directions that took me to where this happened. How often do you get to see a storm like this? With backlighting and God-beams?