BBC Choices and Snow

I don't know what snow has to do with anything, but it keeps coming down so who am I to argue with nature?

When I was Junior in high school I had the most awesome teacher ever for English. The first day of class she stood up and told us she would be the most fair teacher we would ever have because she hated all kids. I laughed. We got along just fine from that point forward. I have been told that I can be a little argumentative at times. I don't think I was any different at sixteen than I am now at...older than sixteen. Annoying to friends, but it made for some lively discussions about literature during my schooling years. And years, and years, and years. Ms. Curtis and I were *ahem* "discussing" a book one day in class and she finally said, "Carol, you are a bleeding romantic!" It stopped me short. I hadn't ever thought of myself that way, but I haven't forgotten it since. Over time I have digested that accusation and decided that I whole-heartedly agree. I am a bleeding romantic. I try to believe the best of people. I think that things will always turn out good in the end. I believe that people can find love with someone who fills up every empty place inside and that kind of love can last forever. I am not naive, though, because I know that there is evil and ugliness and hatred in the world. People can be cruel and selfish and hurtful. I just like my life and my mind better when I try to focus on what makes me cheerful instead of what makes me depressed.

Things like little boys in jeans. I just want to pinch their cute little cheeks. Any of them.

Or my cool sister who likes to be behind the camera instead of in front of it. 


So in light of this potentially-gag-worthy optimism, today is a day of celebration. Bring on the snow. Bring on the storms. I am heading down to be with some amazing friends this evening and I can't wait. For certain the girls will outnumber the guys, but I hope the guys stick around. We will subject them to BBC drama of the highest caliber.

This one? Every one of the four hours is worth is waiting for him to smile...

Or this one?

Hello my new Jane Austin crush.

Finally, an Edward I can get behind.

The face-eating scene makes me laugh. 

Probably not an appropriate response for one of the classic gothic stories of all time.

I don't know what the evening will bring, but I am sure to enjoy the company.

Gettin' A Little Culture

Sometimes a gnome gneeds a little culture. So you hop in the car...

And you take a drive.

Before you know it, you get to a valley of happiness surrounded by really big mountains.

Really big mountains.

There might be lines, but no worries. You have a ticket.

And an iPad. But you will have to give it back. Because that is the right thing to do.

Studying the works of a great master makes one stop and contemplate the works of another great Master.

Modern art. Does it take a special kind of mind to "get it?" I don't have that kind of mind. I don't get it. All right, maybe the symbolism is there and can be understood. But do I want that in my living room? Not exactly. I would end up hanging laundry from it or something else that would offend the artistically sensitive.

Thinking about art makes all the blood rush to my stomach and makes me kind of hungry.

Yes, please. I'll take one of each!

Mmmmmmm.....

Drink or swim? Drink or swim? It's very important to stay hydrated. Gnourishment is gnecessary.

We are happy to be here. Yes we are.

And then the breadsticks come. A forest of breadsticks. A plethora of breadsticks. A gaggle of breadsticks. A murder of breadsticks. A dive of breadsticks.

Other people get excited about breadsticks too. Did you notice some of those have cinnamon on them? Hands off. Those are mine...

And that is how you get some culture.

The end.

It was Bound to Happen

Have you ever known one of "those people"?

(I don't know if the quote is supposed to go outside of the question mark or inside. And I am not going to go get my Chicago Manual of Style to find out. Sorry.)

Those People are the kind who always know more than you. And do it better than you. Or maybe they just think they do. And then they tell everyone about how great they are. All the time. They "know things" about, well, not just stuff. About everything. They know about how long it takes to acclimatize to the altitude when you climb Mt. Everest. Because they showed the Sherpas the right path to take when they started the expedition up the wrong side of the mountain. They can tell you how to build a life raft out of duct tape and they can weave a sail out of their own back hair so they won't ever be stranded on a desert island.

Today one of Those People let it be known that I can't do my job as well as they can.

I'm shocked. I'm surprised. I never thought this day would come.

Well, actually, yeah I did. Because I still don't know how to weave a sail out of my own back hair. Dang it.

A Sign from the Universe

Sometimes you find inspiration in the most random places. You are driving down the street, and someone has a bumper sticker that strikes a chord. It changes your life, the way you see things, and forever alters your view of the universe.

I saw a sign like that today. It's message was simple. But so profound.

And here all this time I've been thinking torture was ok, so long as you exercise a little moderation. Silly me.

(Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing...)

It's Not That Bad

When I get anxious that spring isn't coming as quickly as I would like, when one more storm is blowing in after the last one just finished, I can remember that it could be worse.

It could look like this outside of my window. So I'm glad the sun shone for just a little bit today. Long enough for me to pull up the blinds and lay in the light. I can't say warmth...so let's go with light!

Playing in the Park, Tiptoeing through Tulips

It was beautiful here on Saturday. The short people and some of the taller ones took advantage of this by walking to the park. We spit at bugs flying through the air, and stomped on ants on the ground.

This little man loved the swing, but only for about five pushes at a time. Then, "I'm done!" and back to the big toys.

She had a hard time picking which of the play areas to choose. We went back and forth a few times.

These floating poles were a little further apart than the 2-year-old legs could manage, so mom was close by to help.

Isn't that shiner awesome? No one knows exactly how it happened, but I think it had something to do with how one aunt taught her to run and slide in her socks...

Today there was a little less sun. And even though there was no rain ACTUALLY falling, he still wanted his hood up. And he wanted mine up too. When you smell the flowers once, it's ok. When your aunt wants you to smell them again because NOW she has her camera, this is about as good as it is going to get.

First we picked some flowers for Grandma. And hopped all around the garden on the conveniently placed pavers. And hopped again. And again. And chased the dog. Who happens to be faster than 2- and 3-year-olds.

We tried one without the flash.

And one with. Just in case you think he is actually giving the flower to me, not so much. I just needed to hold it. So he could go back to hopping.

Mom got the flower. The little man got broccoli. Does that seem like a fair trade?

Later, we went on a walk around the block. It was too wet to go to the park, but there were still plenty of worms to look at on the sidewalk. Quote of the day? "Eeeeew! Yuck! I wanna eat it!" This was said about the ants and the smashed and semi-dried worms. They may have stayed out of his mouth, but many of those worms got peeled up off the pavement and chucked. At the cars. At the trees. At the grass. At his mom. Because he can.

On a Lighter Note

I figured something out today. Mothers with small children (two to four...lets say) may not have elaborate hairdos for a reason. Short, yes. Sassy, yes. Simple, yes. Lots and lots of bobby pins keeping it just the right shape? Maybe not. Why? The 'do probably could handle the park with the swings and the slides and the races. It might have even made it through the peanut butter sandwiches with grapes on the lap. But I don't think it would make it through the wrestling. When the munchkins come at you full speed and want to crawl all over you, jumping and smashing faces together in the most awesome of kisses, those carefully placed pins pop right out. Add a round of tickling in there with flailing little arms, and that pretty much seals the deal.

I think the same rule applies to aunts. At least that is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Thoughts on Body Image

Today I tried to pinpoint when I first started to be aware of the size and shape of this 5'7" part of what makes up me. In high school I remember sitting with my friends and talking about how much we weighed. They were both 120 pounds and I was 130. I had so many other things that I was self-conscious about at the time but my size wasn't one of them. If anything, I worried that I still looked too much like a girl and not enough like a woman.

Several years have past and I have a few more pounds on this frame of mine. I have had much more exposure to media and images of what I "should" look like.

I know women who are beautiful. I have friends who were models, beauty queens, and athletes. Drop dead gorgeous with the type of features and hair and eyes and figures that inspire songs and poetry. Many of these girls have had problems with friendship. Guys never wanted to be friends because they wanted to date. They struggled with relationships with other women because they were either "competition" or insecure around someone who looked so perfect. I have a theory about why I managed to stay friends with them. I am not pretty enough to be competition. And it doesn't bother me that they are prettier than me. So we get along. And I have come to know something about the insecurity that come with a pretty face or a remarkable body. For some it is a constant struggle wondering if anyone is sincere or if everyone has an ulterior motive for wanting to be around. It can be a challenge to get people to look beyond what is seen to find out the substance behind it all. Discrimination is a daily part of life for people who are blessed by nature.

On the other hand, what about those on the other end of the spectrum? Those who didn't win the DNA lottery? I think a lot of the same struggles apply - concerns that people will not look beyond the physical and see the wonder and unique majesty that are inherent parts of every individual.

Then there are all those who fall into this enormous middle category. Those who wouldn't get the part of Beauty or the Beast. Beautiful hair and big ears. An exceptional smile and spotty skin. Statuesque frame with a forgettable face. I think this is where I put myself. But I kind of like it. That isn't an attempt to get compliments, but what I hope is an acceptance of who I am and a recognition that I have physical features that are amazing and others that are maybe a little below average. (One of my sisters told me that I should never leave my toes unpainted because I have weird toenails. Challenge accepted!)

So what?

My heart aches for women who feel like their worth is tied to the nature of the cells that bond together and make up the color of their skin, their eyes, or the shape and size of their chest, waist, or hips. They discount what they have to offer in kindness, compassion, and humor and instead feel like the love of others is based on their dress size or the number on a scale. Even more tragic are those who risk harm to their physical, spiritual, psychological, and mental health when they follow a path down a road that leads to eating disorders or unrealistic expectations.

I will not be so naive to say that we are not all judged on our appearance. I know that is the case. But I love this quote by Elaine Dalton:

Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants.

The world places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness and would have you believe that you are to look like the elusive model on the cover of a magazine. The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful. When you are virtuous, chaste, and morally clean, your inner beauty glows in your eyes and in your face. My grandfather used to say, “If you live close to God and His infinite grace—you won’t have to tell, it will show in your face.” When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly. And so “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.” (Click Here for Full Text)

With the several years and the few extra pounds, there is something that has made a bigger impression on me than all of the thousands and millions of images I have seen and to which I don't measure up. I have felt times when my hearts burns inside of me and lets me know that my Father in Heaven loves me. Just the way He made me. I believe His love is not conditional on my size or my appearance. This physical body is part of the testing and trials I have to face while I inhabit all 5'7" of it. It is also one of the greatest  blessings. These hands I have to feel the soft cheeks of an infant and these arms that catch up all 30 pounds of a toddler who wants to be tossed in the air. These eyes that take in the absolute marvel of how a sunrise changes from pink to salmon to gold in seconds. I also believe I do great injustice to Him if I don't use the gifts I have been given because I am too busy worrying about what I don't have.

I realize there is no humor in this post. None is intended. Because right now my heart is aching for the beautiful girl whose life is revolving around an eating disorder - the denial, the pain, the rejection, and loss. If she could see herself for fifteen seconds the way that I do, she would know she is loved!

Stating the Obvious

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to train someone how to do your job, you realize just how little (or how much) you actually do in a day.

This morning while walking a couple of my co-workers through the absolutely thrilling features of some of our software, we took a call together. It's my job. The excitement gets me out of bed absolutely pumped for each day.

And we sat.

And talked on the phone some more.

And sat.

And about 45 minutes past by.

Then one of them says, "I don't know if this is better or worse than (insert some kind of physical labor here), but I am sure burning less calories!"

Thank you. That is why I'm a little soft and squishy around the middle.

Meanwhile, above ground...

This is what real people see around here in the spring. Purdy, innit?

(No "real people" were harmed in the making of this blog post. They have all continued about in their pleasant and oblivious manner not knowing that us undergrounders were scurrying underneath them through tunnels and portals and lower levels of el.)

Random Questions - No Answers Needed

1. When you pull off a section of toilet paper, can you accidentally rip off little tiny sections that accidentally fall on the floor without you noticing? Forty times in a row?
2. Can your eye actually pop if you concentrate too hard? I think mine almost did today.
3. What do they do to turkey to make it taste kind of like bacon?
4. Where would I go if there was a tornado in my backyard? 
5. If you had 10 acres of manicured gardens and it was spring and the tulips were blooming would you eat your burrito on a couch in a bathroom? Underground?
6. Where do I find someone who just wants to give me a new car? Can I pick which one I want?
7. Is there a class for people who only want to write annoying ads?
8. Do you think if I asked really nicely, an airline would let me get on a plane tomorrow and fly halfway across the world?
9. Why do I have 17 containers of strawberry-orange-banana flavored drink mix in my cupboard?

It just started hailing. Which I think hits right before the wall cloud that is rotating. I think I better go find a doorway to stand in. Wait. That's an earthquake.

Surfing and Other Non-Food Related Topics

You might be hungry when the food-storage kits and freeze dried fruit start to look good.

Some people think about other things when they are hungry. Like surfing.

People with skin as white as mine don't become professional surfers. I'm sure I have the natural skills, so it's tragic that I won't be able to follow my life-long ambition. I am certain that I would miss the ride of a lifetime on "THE ONE" monster wave of awesomeness because I would be back on shore slathering up with SPF 1000 for the tenth time. So I have decided to avoid that tragedy and not pursue my deep passion for riding waves.

North shore of Hawaii is famous for many things. Pat's Bakery. Roadside shrimp carts. Fresh pineapple and mangos and grapefruit...

BAD! 

North Shore is also famous for its winter-time surf. Something about the rotation of the planet and the butterflies flapping their wings in Japan. I don't want to get all technical about it. But the sea creates the giant pounding fists of death that smash unsuspecting tourists against the coral. So this unsuspecting tourist stayed on the sand.

See the black rocks of death hiding in wait right underneath the surface of the water? I thought the sand looked very soft and inviting.

This guy didn't. He looks kind of close, doesn't he?

He really wasn't.

Is it just me or do those rocks look a little like chunks of chocolate?

I grew up around water. Summer days and evenings were spend in a kind of waterlogged bliss as we swam in the neighborhood pool. And we went to the coast often enough that I love the smell of brine. So I get it. I get the thrill that has to come with falling down the face of that mountain of water and the taste when you lick your lips from breaking the surface after you go down.

How much closer to nature can you get?

Except for maybe a hot fudge sunday?

Spring Wardrobe

Happy April 8th.

It looks like a snow globe outside that someone shook up. The snow flakes are fat and falling fast. (How is my alliteration?) Can someone please find that person with their hand on this snow globe and banish them to another hemisphere? I would like the weather to make it to the mid-80's sometime in the next 4 months.

In celebration of this awesome weather, I thought I would sport the most awesome outfit ever today.

Top: T-shirt with a fish. I think it might have been a rainbow trout.
Bottom: Baby blue lounge capris with pink contrast stitching.
Shoes: Ugg boots.

Oh yeah. I rocked it.

Because I'm A Mormon

I love General Conference. I love that every April and October I get a chance to wrap myself up in my beliefs and soak in the words of men who are inspired. I find it amazing that in a world that seems to be so crazy right now, there is a place to find a strong foundation. I love that I can go and listen again and again...

April 2011 LDS General Conference

Saturday was a little rough. I felt worn thin. And dag-nabbit...I might have even cried. That's my prerogative as a woman, right? Occasional uncontrolled crying? Well that's my story and I am sticking to it. But truthfully, in so many small ways listening to what prophets have to say today in this day for people living here and now builds me up again.

I only have this to say. If I have one more discussion about marriage in the next 15 minutes, I might need a stress ball. I GOT IT!!!!

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

The end.