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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

This Is A Perfect Time To Panic

The face of my alarm clock does not display a time. I love this. It means there is no glowing reminder of how many more minutes I have left to sleep if I happen to open my eyes before the alarm goes off in the morning.

Drawback - the face of my alarm clock does not display the time. This means when my phone starts ringing and I am certain it is the dead of night but the caller ID displays someone from my carpool, I have absolutely no idea how long I have overslept.

Oops.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sunday

Today we had a special session of stake conference. Instead of the normal 3 hour block of church, we had a two hour meeting. As I listened to the speakers, I took an opportunity to reflect.

First, on religion in general. I recognize that many rational minds believe religion is an opiate of the masses. That those who claim belief and faith are living in a kind of delusion. That religion is the essence of setting aside reason for fantasy and putting your hope in something you can't ever prove. I believe I am a rational person, and I feel my mind is perfectly suited to reason out the most complex problems. And my heart overflows with gratitude that I have reason to trust in more than my own self. In a very uncertain world, I feel blessed beyond measure that I have faith that can take me beyond mere reason and help me find hope, peace, and even joy.

Second, on temples. One of the best parts of making it through the teenage years and into adulthood is realizing just exactly how much my family means to me. I value the opinions, association, and support they give me - even those that differ from mine. And one of the points of doctrine that means so much to me as part of my faith is knowing that family ties extend beyond this life. That the roles of husband, wife, mother, father, brother and sister continue on after we die. If eternity really does stretch before us - and I think it does - I can't imagine a more crazy, kooky, wonderful bunch of people to spend it with than my family. I just might have to become a better loser at Canasta!

Last, on order. Science has always fascinated me. I love learning about the physical world around me, the way a human body functions, and the vastness of the universe. It always strikes me how very organized everything must be for things to function right. Yet life at times seems so chaotic. The best laid plans are shattered, and things never turn out quite like they should. In those moments, it gives me comfort that I may not see the underlying order that makes the moon and the planets all keep their rotation in space. I know that they do. And I may not understand the purpose behind all of the trials and challenges that come in life. But I think there is order there as well. And I will continue to pray and work for the patience to find it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Snow Today

As I drove home from work in a blizzard, I reconsidered my goal to go walking when I got home tonight. But I see some clearing sky so you never know...if you don't like the weather in Utah wait 15 minutes. It will probably change!

Last night was beautiful.


In a perfect world, the camera would capture the same image I see with my eyes. While I do think this is a cool photo, it does not have the same sparkle at the end of every needle that I witnessed.


Yes, this is dirty snow in a parking lot. But it was sparkling too!


If I squint just right, I can pretend I am a caterpillar in this photo.


This is not a staged shot. Someone had spread bread all over the grass near the soccer field of the park. So naturally the textures screamed "black and white" to my highly-trained eye. Hey, mock if you will, but this is the kind of stuff that would sell for thousands back east at an exclusive gallery. And you are getting it here for free.


I think sunset is my favorite time to shoot silhouettes. It is one of the times I actually count on the camera to do some of the work for me and capture the colors of the sky while blacking out everything else.


I am not a fan of the cold that comes with winter. Give me a balmy 80 degrees all year and I would be just fine. I should move to tropical island somewhere but my pale pasty skin wouldn't handle that very well. So I'll keep the mountain west with our frigid temperatures and the stark beauty of bare trees.


I just think there is something elegant about the shape of a tree without all the adornment of foliage.


I may have over reacted a touch by calling it a blizzard. Looks like blue skies ahead.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

My Guts

I saw my guts today. It was pretty cool.

I won't post pictures. You're welcome.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Words

There are a couple words I have been thinking about lately. How they make me feel and what they mean in my life.

The first word is poignant. The dictionary gives four definitions.

  1. keenly distressing to the feelings
  2. keen or strong in mental appeal
  3. affecting or moving the emotions
  4. pungent to the smell
The second word is bittersweet. Just two definitions for this.
  1. both bitter and sweet
  2. both pleasant and painful
These two words have been on my mind because it seems like so often in life the sensations of joy and sorrow are tied together. It is hard to know real joy unless you have known some sorrow. Health is so much more meaningful after illness. It is hard to understand how deeply pain can cut unless you can remember how happiness fills you up to bursting.

Lately there have been many moments that stand out against the backdrop of everyday life. My nephew coming back for one more hug. My sister making plans with me just because she likes my company. My home teacher bringing by ice cream and magic shell. A friend telling stories about what happened at home the night before. Another friend's laughter at a joke. Talking with my mom. Catching someone's eye from across the room to share a smile about an inside joke. Laughing so hard on the ride in to work that tissues were passed around. Blushing when I am teased, half in embarrassment, half because you don't get teased unless you are loved.

There are moments like that when I feel like I have swallowed the sun and the glow is just going to stream out of my fingers. What makes it more sweet to me is the other kind of moments. Feelings on the other side of the scale - hurt and pain and loss and worry. Because life is hard for everyone. And when I have those moments that feel a little like something is breaking inside, I try to remember that without the sadness, beauty and joy become ordinary.

I felt a little of the bittersweet this week. I had an experience that gave me just a glimpse of what it is like to be raising a family, being in a relationship, and the kind of love that can exist inside of that kind of unit. And the joy of sharing in the moment was tempered just a little because my involvement was from the outside. An observer instead of a participant. 

As I have pondered that particular moment, and those particular feelings, I realized how many reasons in my life I have to be grateful. I am surrounded by so much that is good and wonderful. And my choice is whether or not I examine my life from the perspective of what I have or what I am missing. I choose the first option. Yet I will remain grateful for the pulling and tugging I feel inside that draws me to want more. Because that is just another form of hope, and I think hope is the sweetest thing of all.