Thoughts on Body Image

Today I tried to pinpoint when I first started to be aware of the size and shape of this 5'7" part of what makes up me. In high school I remember sitting with my friends and talking about how much we weighed. They were both 120 pounds and I was 130. I had so many other things that I was self-conscious about at the time but my size wasn't one of them. If anything, I worried that I still looked too much like a girl and not enough like a woman.

Several years have past and I have a few more pounds on this frame of mine. I have had much more exposure to media and images of what I "should" look like.

I know women who are beautiful. I have friends who were models, beauty queens, and athletes. Drop dead gorgeous with the type of features and hair and eyes and figures that inspire songs and poetry. Many of these girls have had problems with friendship. Guys never wanted to be friends because they wanted to date. They struggled with relationships with other women because they were either "competition" or insecure around someone who looked so perfect. I have a theory about why I managed to stay friends with them. I am not pretty enough to be competition. And it doesn't bother me that they are prettier than me. So we get along. And I have come to know something about the insecurity that come with a pretty face or a remarkable body. For some it is a constant struggle wondering if anyone is sincere or if everyone has an ulterior motive for wanting to be around. It can be a challenge to get people to look beyond what is seen to find out the substance behind it all. Discrimination is a daily part of life for people who are blessed by nature.

On the other hand, what about those on the other end of the spectrum? Those who didn't win the DNA lottery? I think a lot of the same struggles apply - concerns that people will not look beyond the physical and see the wonder and unique majesty that are inherent parts of every individual.

Then there are all those who fall into this enormous middle category. Those who wouldn't get the part of Beauty or the Beast. Beautiful hair and big ears. An exceptional smile and spotty skin. Statuesque frame with a forgettable face. I think this is where I put myself. But I kind of like it. That isn't an attempt to get compliments, but what I hope is an acceptance of who I am and a recognition that I have physical features that are amazing and others that are maybe a little below average. (One of my sisters told me that I should never leave my toes unpainted because I have weird toenails. Challenge accepted!)

So what?

My heart aches for women who feel like their worth is tied to the nature of the cells that bond together and make up the color of their skin, their eyes, or the shape and size of their chest, waist, or hips. They discount what they have to offer in kindness, compassion, and humor and instead feel like the love of others is based on their dress size or the number on a scale. Even more tragic are those who risk harm to their physical, spiritual, psychological, and mental health when they follow a path down a road that leads to eating disorders or unrealistic expectations.

I will not be so naive to say that we are not all judged on our appearance. I know that is the case. But I love this quote by Elaine Dalton:

Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants.

The world places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness and would have you believe that you are to look like the elusive model on the cover of a magazine. The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful. When you are virtuous, chaste, and morally clean, your inner beauty glows in your eyes and in your face. My grandfather used to say, “If you live close to God and His infinite grace—you won’t have to tell, it will show in your face.” When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly. And so “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.” (Click Here for Full Text)

With the several years and the few extra pounds, there is something that has made a bigger impression on me than all of the thousands and millions of images I have seen and to which I don't measure up. I have felt times when my hearts burns inside of me and lets me know that my Father in Heaven loves me. Just the way He made me. I believe His love is not conditional on my size or my appearance. This physical body is part of the testing and trials I have to face while I inhabit all 5'7" of it. It is also one of the greatest  blessings. These hands I have to feel the soft cheeks of an infant and these arms that catch up all 30 pounds of a toddler who wants to be tossed in the air. These eyes that take in the absolute marvel of how a sunrise changes from pink to salmon to gold in seconds. I also believe I do great injustice to Him if I don't use the gifts I have been given because I am too busy worrying about what I don't have.

I realize there is no humor in this post. None is intended. Because right now my heart is aching for the beautiful girl whose life is revolving around an eating disorder - the denial, the pain, the rejection, and loss. If she could see herself for fifteen seconds the way that I do, she would know she is loved!